Day 40 | Five of ‘Em! | We’re Doing the Wild Thing, Booze-Free in da’ Hood!
Day 28 | So Dry I’m Spitting Cotton | Down 13 Pounds, 53 to Go
“How ’bout doing the wild thing,” I say, as he slips into the bathroom. My nose is sunk deep into Garrison’s Guts ‘n Gunships.
“After I shower.”
I toss the book aside, snag our implements from the bedside drawer, strip off my shirt and hit the light.
Hell, it’s been a month.
It’s been since….I stopped drinking.
Husband arrives “flesh and fluffy” and goes to town.
Tongue to hoo-hoo.
[pause for perspective]
Twenty-nine days ago and beyond, I’d be frisky at bedtime. Waggle my eyebrows at hoo-hoo guy, begin disrobing [in the confines of our teeny room at Ted and Sue’s]. Miraculous—considering the amount of alcohol in my system—typically a 6-ounce vodka martini, 3 or 4 glasses of 14 Hands Hot to Trot, a shot of two of ginger cognac. All consumed in about 3-4 hours.
[Food in the stomach gives consciousness longevity.]
To the bedroom we’d go where Husband would immediately fall asleep [pass out] and I’d employ my Pocket Rocket [“a girl’s best friend”] for up to an hour hoping, praying and straining for rapture.
I’d be lucky to experience a pang the size of a wavelet.
Husband. Tongue. Hoo-hoo.
Still high on the fading reverberations, Husband mounts me. The shot of Jamison’s hasn’t effected him in the least. He does his thing, dismounts.
Hell, I’m still feeling tingly.
Apply Pocket Rocket to hoo-hoo.
My forearm encounters Husband’s abundant pool of ick.
He tissues it off.
Not really off, just sort of spreads it around my hip. And forearm.
I go at it.
It happens again.
Husband gets out of bed, returns with a handful of pretzels. He’s doing the assist and crunching in my ear. It’s distracting, but I don’t want to be a jerk and say “get out of here, will ya?”
I’m going for FOUR times. It’s a record.
An all-time one.
I subtly push the pretzel-muncher from my flesh; he begins tossing the pretzels in his mouth from his cupped hand.
Sex and pretzel-munching?
At 52 and 65?
I concentrate on the job at hand.
I’m getting a headache, straining.
The rise, the flare, the pang.
It’s number four.
Husband falls asleep with his head and arm wrapped around me in the same way my mother gripped my niece to her bosom after her father hanged himself on Thanksgiving Morning.
I get a crick in my neck.
But he’s happy and I’m happy he’s happy and I’m happy I’m happy.
He’ll eventually turn over, anyway.